Shelf Help is a book club and community dedicated to self-help and self-development.
Each month, founder Toni Jones, a wellbeing journalist and self-help geek, highlights a book that has changed her life for the better. She also shares content and wisdom from the titles on the Shelf Help Facebook and Instagram pages, as well as holding IRL meetups and author events.
August’s Book of the Month:
The Kindness Method by Shahroo Izadi
ABOUT THE KINDNESS METHOD
Most of us have habits we would like to give up. Or at least change. We know our behavior around food/drink/spending/dating/working/*insert compulsion here* isn’t good for us, but we can’t seem to stop. Or stick to the positive new habits we try and introduce.
This is not because we are bad people, says Behavioural Change Specialist and author Shahroo Izadi, but because we’ve been using the wrong strategies to try and make changes.
Reminding ourselves of all the negatives associated with our bad behavior isn’t going to solve anything, she says, instead, Izadi argues that the only way to make lasting change is to be KINDER to ourselves.
WHY DID SHAHROO WRITE THIS BOOK?
Izadi, who studied Psychosocial Sciences and Psychology before working as an Assistant Psychologist in the NHS and then as a Criminal Justice Lead before starting her own therapy practice, says:
“I invented The Kindness Method and wrote this book to show as many people as possible how simple and fun it can be to change unwanted habits by ourselves and for good. I wanted to hand over what I know works.”
“Working in addiction treatment I saw these basic motivational tools being used to help long term drug addicts to turn their lives around. I used the same ones on myself to lose (and keep off) 8 stone after a lifetime of yo-yo dieting and I just knew I had to get the word out about how effective these exercises and approaches are in helping people make any behaviour change they like.”
BIGGEST TAKEAWAY FROM THE BOOK?
“I want people to know they don’t have to hand themselves over to an ‘expert’ to tell them what their goals should be or what’s best for them.”
“We are all experts by experience, we just need a guided framework that draws out our own wisdom and helps us to address unwanted habits as they emerge throughout our lives with self-belief, self-awareness and evidence based motivational tools.”
“We need to realise that although many of our behaviours feel like they’ve gone on autopilot, a conversation with ourselves takes place between feeling we want to engage in an unwanted but immediately desirable behaviour and actually going through with it. The Kindness Method teaches you to turn up the volume on that conversation and make sure that you’re hearing the kind, curious and compassionate one that gets you to where you want to be most quickly.”
You can find out more about Shahroo Izadi and The Kindness Method on her website.